Eggs Benedict, the Love Recipe

At some point during the last week, I had a conversation with my dad. Over the course of this conversation, he did some mewing and  complaining about not being busy enough during work.  I was a little resentful.  

“Learn a language, Dad!” I said.  He raised an eyebrow.  “Then invent something!  Something useful!” He just shook his head morosely.  

“I already did.”

No matter what my father says, DO NOT USED CANNED MUSHROOMS.

The next day, while staring at my computer screen and mentally flipping through the millions of things I had to do, I felt more resentful.  So I sent him an email with the heading A VERY IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.  The first line read, “Since you’re so bored, and have nothing to do, I demand that you write an article for my blog.”

Best with a sparkler, just like everything else in the world.


And that is how I have come to share my dad’s Eggs Benedict recipe with the world.  This is how my father woos the ladies.  Having used it to woo a few mens in my time, I recommend exercising the power you are now receiving with discretion.  That is to say, only cook this recipe for people who are already in love with you.  Cooking Eggs Benedict for people who are not yet in love with you is an abuse of power.  No one can resist this shit.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a guest post by my father.


Slicing the baby portobello mushrooms.


There is no better way to make the one you love feel special than to make breakfast in bed!  My favorite way to make my wife feel special is with a fantastic breakfast in bed. The best breakfast in bed is hands down Eggs Benedict.


You will need:

  • English muffins
  • One stick of butter
  • Sliced mushrooms canned or cooked in butter.  Not canned, for the love of Pete.
Not canned mushrooms…
  • Six eggs two poached and remainder separated and yoke reserved.
Separating six egg yokes for the Hollandaise sauce.


  • Two lemons
  • Your favorite sliced ham.
  • Two table spoons of vinegar.
  • Poached asparagus spears
White asparagus is grown in complete darkness. The spears never develops chlorophyll because they never see the sun.


Here is how it is done!

Separate four eggs and mix the yokes with the melted stick of butter. This should be done in a double boiler but can be done in a standard pan with constant whisking. On low heat whisk the mixture until it reaches the correct thickness then add the juice of the two lemons to the sauce.

Whisk! Very quickly!

Poach the eggs in water with the two tablespoons of vinegar.  The vinegar will keep the eggs whites from making egg soup the whites will stay with the yoke much better. Heat the ham toast the English muffin and assemble by first placing the ham on the toasted English muffin then add the poached egg and cover with your Hollandaise sauce. Top with the sliced mushrooms. And serve the asparagus tips on the side.


No one can resist…


This will make you a hero with your love!